quaranthoughts : what gii wants, gii gets – a reflection

What gii wants, gii gets. That was my motto. I was 21 with so much money, young, and living the life I wanted.

When I was still flying, I wasn’t really sticking on a budget as I usually get salaries every 15th and 30th of the month, and I was getting allowances every week – perks of being a Flight Attendant! Wink! To simplify, my problem before was where to put all the money I was receiving.

Back then, I used to eat out a lot with friends or order food online as I had no time to cook for myself given the tight schedule when I was still actively flying. I always order stuff online even if I don’t really need them – shopping became my stress reliever.

I became an online shopping addict – Shoppee, Zalora, Lazada, name it all. I already ordered from them a thing or two .. or three? or more?

I satisfy my cravings everyday – that’s why I hop from different restaurants from time to time – in and out of Cebu.

I always made sure that I was happy inside and out, not thinking about what will happen about the future. I was young, earning big, and was enjoying my hard earned money. I was happily living the moment. At 21, I thought everything will smoothly flow.

Not until one day, I stopped receiving my monthly salary and weekly allowances. The amount of money that I got used to receiving wasn’t reflecting on my bank accounts anymore.

I was slapped by the reality of how I was a great spender back then when I was still earning big. I’d take the cab even if my destination was just two or three blocks away. I’d order food online even if my fridge was full. I’d go to the mall even if I don’t really need to and end up having three or more paper bags from different shops.

I was forced to use my savings, and started converting my dollar earnings to peso just to get through the month. I was forced to start budgeting, and start cooking meals at home.

It was hard at first, but I needed to get used to it or I will go broke forever. I learned so many lessons the hard way, thanks to Covid!

quaranthoughts : lost at 22

I got accepted at my dream airline at the age of 20 and earned my wings at the age of 21. Back then, I was already so proud of myself. I was with my dream airline, and I was living my childhood dream. Everything was perfect. I had the perfect job and income to provide for my family, the perfect life as I was able to fly and travel the world for free, and even the perfect love life as I was also flying with the love of my life.

But COVID 19 came mid of March, and it destroyed my happy bubble. Covid 19 made my world stop. No, COVID MADE THE WORLD STOP. Lockdowns and Restrictions were imposed, and the Aviation Industry was greatly affected leading to flight cancellations, flight disruptions and job cuts for many airport personnels.

July came and I turned 22. I was completely flightless; no flights means no salary. I was completely trying to survive my day to day life by just using my savings.

The year is about to end, my savings is decreasing everyday, and I think I am about to loose my job as my company decided to ask volunteers from our company to apply for voluntary separation — we all know what’s next; involuntary separation and I am really scared for this to happen.

Some may say that I am still young and that there are many opportunities out there but, I really don’t know what to do right now.

At 22, I am frozen and I don’t know how to start from scratch again.

At 22, I am already questioning life, my worth, and my capabilities.

Where do I begin? I don’t know. I am not sure. I am so lost.

#quaranthoughts : please do not tolerate cheating

We all have that one friend or should I say … those friends, who would be very willing to do everything just to save us, who always got our backs no matter what. But sometimes, they do more than what they should do – like tolerating cheating or being okay seeing their friends doing dishonest things towards their partners.

Why do people always team up when cheating is already a part of the situation? Why do people allow it? Why do they support it? I don’t know.

Let’s talk about cheating. For me, any sign of cheating is still cheating. If you think you shouldn’t be doing something yet you still do it, that’s cheating. If you feel the need to delete conversations from the opposite sex, if you needed to install dating applications while being in a relationship, and if you feel the urge to continuously lie in front of your partner just to not get things worse, that’s already cheating. Also, ACTING SINGLE WHILE YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP IS ALREADY A BIG SIGN OF CHEATING. If you wanted to act single, why be in a relationship in the first place?

Trust me, people who cheat already know deep down in them that they are cheating but they do everything to make you feel that you’re just overthinking things.

Now, who’s more to blame? Those who cheat or those who tolerate cheating? No need to discuss this one, because the answer is ALL OF THEM. Enough with the so called bro code/girl code. You know the difference between right and wrong, so man up and do the right thing.

To those who are cheating and to the friends who tolerate cheating,

I bet you guys don’t want to be treated bad, right? So why tolerate such acts? Please, stop hurting people because karma is just around the corner, and it will bite you real bad because people who act okay with acts like cheating and dishonesty deserve what they tolerate.

#quaranthoughts : quarantine breakups

Seven months down into quarantine and still, cases are still rising. We even got into the top 20 countries with the most active cases of Covid 19. Due to this, we’ve lost a lot; and for some, the one thing they lost was the love of their lives because this pandemic indeed tested a lot of relationships and sadly, many didn’t survive.

I’ve heard a lot of break up stories, and the two main reasons that I gathered was they couldn’t take the distance and second reason was because of third party. I guess, the two reasons are quite connected to each other, right? Couples go on an unexpected long distance relationship, and the other one finds a third party who will fill the spot of the person who is being missed because of the distance.

This is too saddening — some people can’t just stand being away from their girlfriends or boyfriends so they find someone who is readily available to entertain them. I am not judging their decisions in life but please, if you can’t carry a long distance relationship, let your partner know so you guys can do something about it. Now, if it’s not really working then better call the relationship off than staying even if you’re already being cozy with someone.

A lot of us enter relationships so easily that’s why when hard times come, it’s always so easy to let go because the foundation is not that solid like a rock. Lack of foundation means lack of everything.

May this quarantine period be a reminder to be with someone who really knows you not just physically and sexually, but emotionally and mentally as well. Someone who won’t let you go just because of the distance. Someone who won’t be cozy with another person just because you’re not physically present. Be with someone who can be loyal to you even if you’re not together. Wink!

#quaranthoughts : reasons why i write.

I always write – literally everyday. I write on my phone, my mac or on a piece of paper. I put my feelings into words because this is one of my ways to make sure that I am still okay and that everything will be okay.

To be honest, this blog site would have hundreds of published posts already if I was only brave to click the publish button and not the save draft button. If only I was strong enough to let other people read my disturbing and boring write ups. You know, we have thoughts to share to everybody, but there are also thoughts that we tend to just keep inside us — we have different venues for this, and as for me, I keep it in my drafts and my notes.

So, why do I write?

I write to ease the pain. Life just really sucks sometimes. I’d rather write down my thoughts than yell. I’d rather let my fingers and keyboard do the effort. I’d rather let my guard down and just let everything pass. This may be way too coward-ish for you, but I learned to choose my battles now. The old me is dead.

I write to make myself feel okay. Whenever I feel down, or sad, or very emotional, I go to coffee shops (which I miss doing now because we’re still on lockdown). I go to coffee shops not just to drink my favourite cup of coffee – but to sit there down for hours, while thinking about my thoughts and writing it all down. I make myself believe that I am okay when I write because I can still function. Why? because there are days that are too much – that writing words aren’t enough, because alcohol and a good cry is already next on the line.

I write to keep happiness. The first two reasons above may be too sad for you, but yes, I also write about happiness; happy memories and happy thoughts. Writing happy memories down is good for both the mind and the heart, and doing this relaxes me.

Whatever reason we all have, believe me, writing helps. Now, don’t hesitate and grab whatever writing materials you have around and start writing! 🙂

#quaranthoughts : letting things go

Quarantine made me realize a lot of things, that’s why I’m starting this blog series called #quaranthoughts. Here’s my first write up and I’m sure a lot of you will surely relate with this one.

LETTING THINGS GO

I love to hoard things — clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, home decors and I now realizae that I have a lot of stuff that I don’t really need.

Scrolling through facebook and instagram, selling online is now the new trend. So, I decided to join the trend. I started taking photos and whoa, it was too much work! After doing some tweaking on the photos I took, VOILA! My things are already ready and up for grabs on the internet.

I was able to get some chunks of money out of my things, but I was kinda sad at the same time to let my things go. Well, that’s how life goes right? You let go, and you get sad but you’ll get over it soon.

For every #quaranthoughts series that I’ll make, I’ll leave a lesson or two behind so that we’ll all learn from each other!

So here’s lesson number 1: SUCK IT UP AND LET GO. Be that your favorite item, or your favorite person. If you already feel the need to let go but you’re still thinking about it, this is your sign. L E T GO.

Will we ever get our normal lives back ?

“Will we ever get our normal lives back?” This is the question I always ask myself lately.

We’re already in September, and lockdown started early April this year (2020).

A lot of plans were already cancelled, and just remained as it is — plans. A lot of time was already wasted, and we can never bring it back because wasted time is already wasted time; period.

Can we still go back to our normal lives?

Back when coughing was just an act and being sick was just an excuse for you to have a day off from work.

Back when hugging and kissing friends and loved ones outside was just normal.

Back when we were all free from wearing face masks and face shields, and not having guards from establishments check our temperatures every time we enter such.

6 months down, and the numbers are still rising.

6 months down, and we’re still on lockdown.

6 months down, and there’s still no cure.

6 months down, how many months more to go before this finally ends?

NO ONE KNOWS. SO WEAR YOUR MASKS, STAY AT HOME.

STAY SAFE, PEOPLE.

Is there still hope for tomorrow?

A few months ago, we all thought that this was just a temporary pause; for all of us to breathe and re-charge but we were wrong. COVID 19 made the world stop – and nobody expected that to happen.

We weren’t prepared for this to happen.

People started working from home, some switched jobs, some lost jobs, business establishments started to close; some eventually filed for bankruptcy. This is too saddening. Schools closed down, students started online classes – will they really benefit by just being in front of the computer all day?

We were all forced to adjust with the so called new normal. DAILY CURFEW, USAGE OF MASKS, SOCIAL DISTANCING – wow, who would’ve thought that we can be this obedient.

Looking back, we were all so lucky with what we had. Will we ever go back to our old normal or this new normal will really be the new normal for the next years to come?

Is there still hope for tomorrow? We never know.

why cebu?

I’ve always wanted to live in Cebu. It’s a whole new environment for me, but I was never scared for what it has for me.

Cebu was my late dad’s hometown – Toledo City to be exact! And maybe, maybe that’s the reason why I wanted to be here. Maybe by just being here, I could feel that I am with him even though he isn’t really physically here, with me.

To long for someone who will never come back is so damn hard. You keep on longing for his presence but you will never feel it. You keep on remembering the way he talks,but only whispers from the past will be the only thing you could ever grasp for.

I miss you, Dad.

fingers back to the keyboard

Upon opening my eyes earlier today, I suddenly felt the need to write my thoughts again, and realized that a few years ago, I had this wordpress account that only a few knows – those who I truly trust my thoughts with.

I immediately grabbed my laptop and started trying to remember what my username and password was – good thing there’s always a chance for us to hit the reset button — just like in life, we always have a button that we can always press if we need to; if we have to; if we don’t have any more choices at all.

And in just a matter of minutes, VOILA! I already accessed my old account.

Reading through my old blogs, I can’t help but to smile and laugh at the same time. The Young, Naive, so Melo-dramatic 2015 to 2017 me just rose from the death!

I decided not to delete my old blogs and had it under the category OLD BUT GOLD. If you want to have a glance of my hearty self from the past, don’t hesitate and read my blogs. Laugh if you want to, don’t be shy.

I’m back. I’m alive. Never letting this wordpress account be on idle again!